Honest Opinion

What do I have to do to get an accurate and honest appraisal of me as a person?

This follows this whole ‘people saying stuff in anger’ thing. 

I get called all sorts of things when someone is angry. Useless, selfish, uncaring, stupid, etc etc etc. I get called out on my biggest flaws and things I didn’t really even know were wrong with me.

Here’s the thing though. After the whole anger thing passes, I’m told none of that was true. Or only true to a point, but not really. 

Sigh. I tend to take these things personally. But only because it comes from important people to me. So what am I supposed to do here? 

I suppose not care. And have the insight to figure out what I do right or wrong, myself. 

That could be considered ignorant/arrogant though.

Oh God. It’s just so hard for me to fathom because I don’t just say things in anger for the heck of it. To call out people’s qualities or whatever without reason. 

Eugh what a mess. 

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“Just Friends”

You know what bothers me? When people use this phrase. “We’re Just friends” 

Like excuse me. What do you mean “Just”?? 

To be honest I’d be happier to be a friend than whatever other nonsense label people put on relationships these days. 

In an era where friends are scarce, using this phrase is offensive and negligent. To refer to someone as a friend should be a privilege. Not a substitute.

The word seems to have lost all meaning. 

So stupid. 

Classic Technology 

Today I went to get my laptop back (fina-friggin-ly)

They were an awful repair service to be honest. They took an entire week and when I finally got annoyed enough to ring them up, an apathetic guy said that I’d get a status update soon with the problem and whether parts are required etc. 2 hours later, I got an update saying my laptop was ready to pick up with a new battery.

Eugh. So basically if I hadn’t called, they would have kept my laptop forever.

But it’s okay overall. $175 later I have a functional computer with a charging battery.

Anyway, while I was there, I saw this!

The phone in the middle caught my eye! The revamped Nokia 3310! This is old news but for those who don’t know, Nokia, in their last desperate attempt to keep their once-successful company afloat, have resorted to resurrecting their best-selling phone of the 90s!

The good ol’ Nokia brick phone with the classic Snake game! Who didn’t own one of these at the time? It was basically a rite of passage to own one of these phones. It was an amazing piece of tech. It was virtually indestructible and had a  battery life of a solid week, and was hours of fun, besides! And I’m not just talking about the games. Remember how long it took to send a message on those phones? How you had to press the same button 4 times to enter the letter Z? Ahh. Good times… It was the perfect phone of that era. I still have mine I’m sure. And I am certain I could charge it even today and it would still be functional. Man. They just don’t make ’em like that anymore.

But lookie here! Nokia is in fact trying to make the iconic phone again! So. This one is uber cheap, has a colour screen, and comes with Snake. Actually I’m pretty sure the only gimmick in revamping this phone is that one game.

I thought this was hilarious. I love Nokia, I loved my brick phone, and I felt extremely nostalgic and happy when I saw this phone. But to be honest, that was it. I didn’t want to buy it. It made me wonder, who would? Who is the target audience for this phone? Die-hard Nokia fans? That doesn’t sound right. Because if you were a die-hard fan, you’ve probably preserved your original Nokia brick phone in mint condition right? Who is going to shell out 200 dollars just for that feeling of nostalgia on a phone that is beyond outdated and completely irrelevant?

I’m genuinely curious to know if anyone has bought this phone. And the reasons as to why.

Because the bottom line is, just looking at that phone, it’s different to the original, it’s in colour and it’s 200 dollars. It’s not my old brick.

On the other hand, since this has been revamped, can I sell my old Nokia brick as a vintage model? Hmmmm… New possibilities.

When Technology Fails

In the wake of my old phone dying, my laptop’s battery also decided to commit suicide. 

My HP laptop that I’ve had for 3 years now is no longer charging. The only way it will turn on is if it is connected to the charger. Which defeats the purpose of a laptop as it is no longer mobile. 

I wonder if I’m cursed whereby all my tech devices just decide to jump ship after 3-4 years. Eugh. 

After getting my new phone, I was a bit reluctant to give my laptop in for repair because I was sure it would cost some unreasonable amount. But unfortunately I use my laptop even more than I use my phone. Which means I need it to be at its best and to be mobile. 

So I thought the best people to approach would be HP support. You know for a support line, they were extremely unsupportive. 

Me: My laptop battery doesn’t charge anymore. It won’t reach 100% even after 4 hours of charging and it turns off as soon as I unplug the charger. And this just keeps happening.

HP Support: I see…. Could you tell me exactly what happened when the problem started?

Me: ……..My laptop battery doesn’t charge anymore. It won’t reach 100% even after 4 hours of charging and it turns off as soon as I unplug the charger. And this just keeps happening.

HP Support: Ahh. This sounds like a battery issue. But we will have to do a full diagnostic test on the laptop and the fee for this is $70. You will have to send your laptop to us and it will take anywhere from 5-7 working days. And then a final invoice stating what the problem was and how much it costs to fix it will be sent to you.
…….Oh God seriously?

First off.. Yes I am aware it is a battery issue. Shocking since the ONLY thing wrong with it is the fact that the battery Won’t Charge. 

And secondly, $70+ AND 5-7 working days? I need my laptop everyday! Okay maybe not so much since I’m on holiday but still. Surfing and blogging are necessities. 

But in the end I had to give it in somewhere. Took it to a repair shop which is closer to where I live and the guy said the exact same thing. That although it sounds EXACTLY like a battery issue, they will need to run a complete diagnostic test on my laptop. And the scary part was that these guys said they couldn’t guarantee the safety of my data. This is where I got really annoyed. 

It’s a battery issue!! Don’t touch my data. That has nothing to do with anything. Stay away from my files. 

Eugh. Well. Thanks to the new age of technology and Microsoft’s OneDrive, I don’t have anything on my laptop that I would lament losing. But still. There’s just no need to mess with my files.

So now I am laptop-less. Waiting 3-5 business days to get it back hopefully in one piece. 

Eugh. Fingers crossed they return it like tomorrow. I have things to do.

Future

So. Today was my oficial last day of this year at uni. We even had our orientation for the final year of med school. 

Man. Was it weird.

Because I’ll tell you why… Even though you didn’t ask.

For the first time in ages, all 244 of my classmates were in the same lecture theatre together. It was so packed that I couldn’t find a seat. And what was more, I still didn’t recognise all of them. It’s been 5 years and yet there are people in my year group that I do not know. And probably will never know. Because today was the last time we were all going to be in the same room together other than our graduation at the end of next year. Who knows what’ll happen by then. 

And my friends, well, the few med students I consider myself close-ish to, I wouldn’t be seeing as much of anymore. They are either at different hospitals altogether next year, or are on different rotations than me. Which means there’s very little time to meet up with them and discuss life. Today was the last day I would see them in a while. Of course, the ones I’m really close to, I would make an effort to keep in touch and catch up with. But then again, who knows what’ll happen.

What a melancholy thought.

And then, we had several lectures about the year after next year. First year house officers fresh out of medical school. Where are you going to go? What are you going to do??

This is where things got weird for me. By the middle of next year,  everyone has to apply to the hospitals they want to work at in their pgy1 year. Eugh. Too much pressure. Up until recently, I was an obsessive future planning person. I always had goals, lists, etc. But now, I don’t bother anymore. What’s the point of making plans that aren’t really going to work out? 

Well anyway. There are 20 hospitals across New Zealand that you may work at. Only 3 of them are in my home city of Auckland. So you’d think naturally, I’d want to pick one of them, right?

Well actually, no. 

I’ve been to all 3 hospitals in the last two years. And now. I want out.

I can’t really explain it. But events from the last 2 years have really made me think that I need to get out of Auckland. Auckland is home. It’s the only place in NZ that I feel attached to. And that is familiar. But the hospitals in Auckland have really made me want to forget all that other stuff and move on. 

I’m the kind of person that remembers things vividly. So a place where significant things took place, will always remind me of those things. It will invoke certain feelings. I’m not proud of that. I wish my mind wasn’t like that. But it is. 

Back in 4th year, I was in middlemore hospital. I’ve got to say that there isn’t a single part of that hospital that I have not cried or felt lonely in. Of course it may have been because it was a difficult year in general, but even so. I get the feeling it has this innate negative energy. 

This year I spent a lot of time at northshore hospital. I’ve never felt so scrutinised and judged so harshly in my life as I had been by people during my time at northshore. There are still people there I hope I never have to see again. 

And then there’s Auckland city hospital. I’ve not had any horrific experiences there as of yet. Which is why I’ve chosen to complete my final year at Auckland city hospital. But even so, it’s not a fantastic place to be. 

The environment you’re in can have a significant impact on your outlook and your mental well-being. Of course I am training to be a professional and I should learn to deal with such things and not run away from issues, but to be honest, no one should have to feel trapped in a place just because it’s in their job description. 

I also want to be by myself. If I continue to stay in Auckland, I will invariably be around the same people I have been around the past few years. And I just can’t tolerate working with people who once looked down on me or pitied me, etc. 

I know this may sound unbelievably childish, pathetic, etc. But I just think that everyone should have the chance to choose a comfortable environment to work in. Not that I think moving out of Auckland is going to solve all my problems and I’ll be happy etc. Because every place has its negativities. But atleast I know what it is I want to get away from. 

But hey. This is a whole year away. Who knows what’ll happen.

And here’s a picture of Mt. Taranaki. A mountain on the west coast of the North island. 

There’s no reason this picture is here other than to project feelings of calm as the rest of this post is pretty melancholy. And because I took it recently and I think it’s a nice photo. 

Sighh…..

You know what sometimes sucks more than being depressed yourself? Hearing that someone close to you is depressed/anxious/upset.

It’s the feeling of helplessness.

Like you know there’s realistically nothing you can do to help them except try to convince them that often, the things they’re upset about are not true or not worth being so upset about.

But it’s never that easy. You can’t ever ‘talk’ someone out of their blues.

You can support. And they’ll probably appreciate that.

But man. It sucks to watch them go through that.

Eugh. Must it be so difficult?

New Phone

And so it was with a heavy heart that I bid farewell to my lovely Sony Xperia Z

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It was like losing a relative to renal failure. My beloved Sony had been my companion and confidant for 4 years now. Through highs and lows, it was there for me. Bringing me closer to others, finding things I needed, storing information I kept feeding it and never repeating it to anyone. Taking photos that were just good enough in quality that hid the blemishes on my own face and the faces of my friends. And just being there for me.

In its day, this phone was top notch. Sporting a world class screen and camera, with the reliable water-resistant technology that sets Sony apart from all the smartphone giants out there. Leading them, actually.

But sadly, like all things in life, it became outdated. No longer upgrading to the delightful dessert versions of Android 6,7 and 8. No longer holding its power for a full 24 hours, no longer opening apps in the blink of an eye for efficient browsing. It just kept freezing up. Was too slow to understand what I needed anymore.

And so I decided it was time. Time to move on. Time to retire my favourite piece of technology. I miss it deeply.

I had my heart set on getting the newest Sony phone. The Xperia XZ is the newest and best version of the Sony class. I just adore the hardware and features that come with a Sony phone. But others disagreed with me. They found the new model to be exactly the same design as all the Xperia phones. This was bigger, and clunkier, apparently. But it had everything I needed. I’m not a huge techy. I have very little requirements for my phone. I need it to communicate with others, (phone, messages, whatsapp, viber, email, etc.) and it needs to be indestructible (waterproof, shatterproof). Sony satisfied both of these. I have dropped my Sony lots of times (not proud, but kinda proud of my phone) and it has never shattered. Unlike the Samsung/ Apple phones out there.  I also don’t believe in spending huge amounts of money on phones. Sony is generally an average priced phone.

But unfortunately, the XZ is not hugely popular in NZ. They’re going out of style altogether actually. The whole design-being-the-same-in-every-model thing. So what I ended up getting was this.

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The Samsung Galaxy S8! The revolutionary phone that has just hit the market and is beating sales of even the newest Apple iPhone. The screen is bigger and edgier than ever before. The camera is the best it has ever been, it is now waterproof, it has a processor and RAM equivalent to some high-end laptops, AND! it comes with your own personal smart assistant Bixby who learns how you use your phone and follows voice commands to bring you almost anything you need on your phone!

It’s new, it’s big, and it’s now mine.

Okay I spent a lot on this phone. And to be completely honest, I will probably not be using every new fantastic feature Samsung has racked up in the battle against Apple. But it is pretty cool. Shiny, waterproof, fast, latest Android….. and Bixby is really cool. xD

And I better keep to this phone for the next 4-6 years atleast. That’s how much I spent on it.

It just gets harder and harder these days though. The intentionally hold some phones back from getting the new Android versions just so you’ll upgrade. That makes life really difficult for me. I tend to keep my phones for a long time. If my Sony hadn’t become outdated, I’d still keep it.

Plus the newer models are following the trend of removing the headphone jack. That. Is a crime in every way to me. I just cannot. I need my music. I need it while my phone charges. No exceptions.

Hopefully this trend stops soon.

In the meantime! I am typing this on my new S8 and it’s pretty good! The photos were also taken on this phone. Ooooh so much detail.

I do miss my Sony very much. But hopefully my new companion will be just as great.

Oh My Goodness People 

You know how you watch movies or TV shows about people doing things and you think Eugh how dramatic. People aren’t really like that. It’s not realistic at all.

But when you actually hear and see such things in real life of what people do, you can’t help think those movies and TV shows downplayed it at best. 

People can be shocking sometimes. 

Reminded me of what one of my consultants in Melbourne said.

“You just cannot make up the things people actually do”

And that is so true.

He also says “You try to help people and they just screw with you”

Also very true sometimes. 

Return Home

I am back in my little ol’ City of Sails! It’s so good to be back home after my selective. And omg the year has ended! I will give a complete recount of this year in another post as it’s quite a lot of information and I need time to phrase it correctly. (as mysterious as that sounds)

But anyway! I am so relieved to be back home! Melbourne was pleasant and gastro was great but there’s just no place like home apparently! And just yesterday I had my last progress test of the year! Whew what a relief! It was okay…. It seemed that it was deceptively easy. But I never have confidence in saying that. I have the worst luck with such things. Sometimes I think I did really well in a test and my marks are less than “really well”, and other times when I die inside walking out of a test, I find I did better than I thought, and even more decent compared to the rest of the class. Some kind of irony I suppose. But yeah. This test left me feeling a bit muddled. I couldn’t remember a lot of the questions I had just answered and I felt a weird sense of happiness. Although, that could just be because omg the year is over!! 😀

Well kind of. Now I only have my report to submit recounting my 6 week selective in Melbourne, and something called a “prescribing skills test”. Apparently it’s an online test our entire class group has to sit to master the art of prescription writing! It’s formative though but it has been hyped up unnecessarily as usual. Which makes me nervous. But oh well. I’ve got 2 weeks to worry about that. So I won’t!

People kept asking me what my plans were for the holidays and I only had one answer: “Honestly, I didn’t think I’d make it this far”. xD Truly. I have no plans. It’s been an intense year that didn’t leave me much time or energy to think about planning my last summer holidays of all time. Maybe I will figure it out in the next few days. I’m still in post-exam hibernation mode. Sleep is a must at this time.

But there is one thing I made sure to have ready for my holidays:

Dan Browns’ new novel has been released! What could be a better way to spend your summer holidays than go globe-trotting with Professor Robert Langdon?! I cannot think of anything! So excited to get reading!

Will review soon!

 

There Are Some Fantastic People Out There 

When the med student you’ve known for about 4 weeks offers to drive one hour from his house to pick you up and take you to the airport that is 40 mins away around 5am in the morning before turning back and getting stuck in morning traffic to get to the hospital in the opposite direction before consultant ward rounds begin, just so you wouldn’t be stranded taking the bus…. you just know the words “random act of kindness” have been taken to a new level.

How nice of him. I’m so grateful. I declined of course because I could never inconvenience someone like that. But it was lovely of him to offer!