It’s been one of those days.
Do you ever have days you wake up to and more or less have a plan that you’re mentally prepared for on that day? But then as you go through the day you realise not ONE part of it went to your plan?
This morning I traded a sleep-in for a morning family meeting that my consultant promised would be useful to attend, (when the other med students had opted to come in late by saying they were at a tutorial that was cancelled earlier) only to get there early and find out that the consultant had to be in high court to testify for a case and the family meeting was not in the morning and was actually late in the afternoon.
Meanwhile my other consultant (who, on the previous day, had said not much was going to happen today so she would have time to go through some teaching with me), actually had a consultants meeting all morning.
So. I had nothing to do other than paperwork all morning.
During which time I received some bad news from a friend which made me feel helpless and frustrated, sitting alone in front of a computer.
Followed by the event of receiving the marks for my most recent progress test which were disappointing in themselves also. Then came the cycle of thoughts of how I should have studied more, but then what’s the point, but it doesn’t matter, etc. Naturally I felt even better.
And THEN, I received news from home about something I’ve been quite anxious and worried about that reached its conclusion very quickly and not in a good way. But it’s one of those things that I can’t do anything about so I have to put on a “strong face” for everyone else. Anxiety building quite a bit by this point.
The morning came and went and my consultants were still not back. A bit later in the afternoon one of the consultants returned and said “hey you missed the department teaching!! It was really interesting!! Would have been a great learning point for you”………. I’m sure it would have. If I had known about it or if you had told me that’s where you were when I texted you. Eugh. Irritability creeping in now.
And the other consultant was apparently “stuck at high court” and will not be able to attend the family meeting. Fabulous. Should have gone home when I had the chance. Actually, should have decided to stay in bed.
But because my anxiety was building I asked the consultant who was present if she would teach me now and maybe supervise me taking a psychiatric history. Thankfully she said yes. Unfortunately, she picked a patient with an extensive history of schizophrenia who she deemed was “a good patient”, but actually he was reluctant to talk about his forensic history and would rather tell me about the black magic rites he took part in as a child.
So. Taking a psychiatric history: Fail.
To end the day, I went back to observing my consultant taking a 1.5h history and quietly falling asleep in the corner. Only this time I was all worked up from the uselessness of the day that I couldn’t fall asleep. That’s a good thing in a way I guess.
On the drive home I kept chanting some mantras to myself “hard things have to be faced” “this too shall pass”
When I finally got home (was driving extra slowly with a few stops to get my headspace right) I had some tea and thought that everything that happened today was meant to happen exactly the way it happened. Eventually I reached acceptance. After spiralling through denial, bargaining, anger and depression.
It’s just been one of those days.