Another thing I have to do as a new adult, is something I dread immensely.
Writing a CV
Curriculum Vitae are the two least favorite words in my vocabulary.
Well, actually Drama Queen is. But anyway that’s not important.
I have to work on my CV to get a job in a hospital next year. I think I already mentioned this process before. But basically I have to put together a CV for the people that match medical students to hospitals in their first year post graduation. It helps that I’m pretty much guaranteed a job and all that, but wanting to be put in a hospital of your preference, apparently requires a pristine application tailored to that hospital’s needs.
And that scares me a little bit.
Okay not entirely because I haven’t quite decided on my preferred hospital yet. But the rest is true.
One major problem? I stink at selling myself.
The first part of any CV is the personal statement. Thus far, I have written “I am a..” before I had a panic attack and decided to do it later.
I hate this idea. What am I supposed to say? I am an extremely talented, determined student destined to be a fantastic doctor?
Oh God I can barely type that on here. It’s just not believable.
And that may seem dumb. Because come on just get over it and write something overly cheesy and talk yourself up! That’s how you win jobs.
And I completely understand that. But I just can’t seem to do it. I don’t have a lot to say about myself. I mean yeah I’m not bad. But that I don’t think that’s exactly what they’re looking for.
The other major problem is the part of the CV called awards and achievements. Oh God. I’m drawing a huge blank.
It’s ironic how a document that is supposed to talk you up and be full of your strengths can make you want to kill yourself.
I have next to no achievements. I am surrounded by people who have won awards in med school, have several notable achievements in school and current achievements in academia. Ie Research.
My last legitimate award was 10th grade French. Where I was top of the year. Not exactly something that says “hire me! I’m going to be an amazing doctor!”
I have my research paper I published though. Just the one. I bet compared to some of the others in my class, that’s pretty average.
I just don’t like this exercise. And I suppose that’s another reminder of my underlying immaturity and reluctance to fit into being an adult.
Because now I’m filled with all this regret. Why didn’t I do more research papers in med school? Why wasn’t I more proactive in studying and attempting to win awards? Why didn’t I realise early enough and prepare accordingly?
And those are not fun questions to ask oneself. It makes you feel like you haven’t achieved enough compared to others.
But there’s nothing I can do about it now. I mean I regret not doing more things, but if I think about it, when I’m 60+ and have finished caring about my career and have muddled through being a doctor etc., what I’m really going to regret is not giving myself a break from things. Regretting not enjoying my summer holidays and doing research instead. Or staying home to study 20 hours a day instead of being around friends etc. When in fact, I’ll still have the chance to do all those things as part of my career. Doing them early wasn’t really going to put me ahead by much.
Well. This is what I’m telling myself as I work through my panic attack at writing a personal statement. I hope it’s true. I hope I don’t end up jobless and far behind everyone else who had 3 awards and 5 papers already.
Errr.. If only I could ramble on like this on my personal statement.