Those Days

Do you ever have days where you think to yourself,

“That’s enough of trying to live life today”?

Yeah…. I do.

It’s quite a physically and emotionally draining feeling.

 

Hopefully tomorrow will be better.

New Lens!

In the midst of my otherwise unexciting life currently, I thought some retail therapy was in order! 

So I went out and bought myself this:

It’s super cute, super light and fresh and it’s the new Canon 50mm 1.8 STM lens!

I have 2 basic lenses that came with my 600D when I got it 6 years ago. I’m personally very interested in macro photography over other forms. And ideally I would love to buy a macro lens. But they cost an arm and leg so I thought I’d gift it to myself when I become consultant. 

But anyway! This lens is fabulous in achieving a shallow depth of field with a super high aperture and thus, foreground looks pretty and in focus against a beautifully blurred background.

Ideally this lens is used for video shooting and portraits. But it also helps macro shots to bring the subject into pristine focus if it is in the foreground. 

Et Voila!

Just look at those lovely anthers and stamen. (The middle bit of the flower, in case that’s not clear to anyone who has not done any plant biology).

In focus, against a blurred background. It’s poifect! 

Alright now that I’ve shared that, I’ve got to get back to progress test study as my procrastination time is over! 

I shall take more photos with this new lens after said test!

ConfusionĀ 

Most days, I know what I want. I have a pretty good idea of how to get it.

And if I know I can’t get it, I accept that and move on.

But sometimes I feel so confused. How could I want something I know I absolutely cannot have. How could I continue to want it?

But I don’t really want it. I can’t picture myself having acquired it. It wouldn’t work. There’s no way. 

I want to be happy. I wouldn’t exactly be happy if I had it. I would in some ways, but I wouldn’t completely. 

But then again, I’m not happy now. 

I know what would make me happy. But wishful thinking is never a good thing. It stops you from being realistic. 

The bottom line is, it’s not going to happen. And I know that. I’m not going to get what I want. It wouldn’t be the right thing for me. 

Then why do I still feel like this. I fear that I would never stop feeling like this. Things could change. But everything keeps telling me that I wouldn’t truly stop wanting what I want. 

What’s the point. An exercise in futility. 

Home Stretch

Oh boy Oh boy Oh boy

So today I had my final practical exam of medical school! In psychiatry!

Happy to say I got a “solid distinction” in the examiner’s words. They even asked me if I would consider a career in psychiatry! Hahaha I wouldn’t, but it’s good to know I’ll probably be a good psychiatry house officer when I start working in November!

I celebrated this victory with Ice cream and a walk on the beach.

And that’s what this post is about! With the ending of my final practical exam, I now only have 4 weeks of medical school left for the rest of my life!! :O

My final rotation starting on Monday will be Obstetrics and Gynaecology. Back to the land where there’s far too much oestrogen in the air. 

But I’m not bothered! There aren’t any major assessments as part of this rotation.

I do have my final exam of medical school, the progress test, towards the end of October. But I am so over these after 6 years, I’m happy to just pass.

So, I’m literally on the home stretch now. 4 weeks to finish medical school, 2 weeks vacation, then graduation!

AND THEN,

Worklife begins.

I’m just going to leave those words hanging there for a bit.

I can say I am already looking forward to starting to work. Actually, I’m looking forward to the next few years of working. Getting to where I need to go. Not that I know where that is, but I do feel it’s time to start looking that way.

Medical school has been a huge part of my life in many ways. So many things had changed where when I first got in, I thought the hard part of life was over. And everything was sorted. I can at least say I’m no longer so naive.

But yes. Let’s get the next 4 weeks done and just keep swimming! šŸ˜€

A view of Rangitoto from my ice cream celebration