Today I had a conversation with a friend of mine. Well actually, she called me and said she needed to vent. So I listened to her troubles for an hour or so.
It was a typical story. She was all cut up over a guy who, in my opinion, was a bit of a narcissist. Basically he spent a lot of time talking to her and then began phasing her out.
So she wasn’t happy. She told me it hurt immensely that she cared about this person so much and they didn’t care at all.
Towards the end of the conversation, she said she saw this quote online somewhere that said “if someone doesn’t care about you, stop caring about them”. She said she wanted to “stop caring”.
Now I have a few issues with this.
Lots of people just go around saying “meh just don’t care about them”
First of all, if you really cared about someone, there’s no way you can just hit the “stop” button on caring. It ain’t that easy. No way.
And secondly, why should you??
Nobody ever started caring about someone because they thought to themselves, hey they care about me. I better reciprocate.
No. You care about someone because you like who they are.
So why on Earth should you “stop caring” just because you suddenly realised this person doesn’t care about you?
You didn’t ask them beforehand “hey are you up for caring about me? Because I’m thinking about starting to care about you”
Um yeah no. It doesn’t work that way.
Yes caring hurts. Yes it means that as long as you care, you’re likely to be hurt and feel awful. But I’m afraid you literally signed up for that.
But I’m not sure I understand why caring is a bad thing.
If anything, you should look at yourself and feel so proud that you are able to care about someone that much. And if you can’t stop caring, then even better!
Because you have a feeling that is constant. In a world where everything changes so rapidly and feelings run out or expire so quickly, you have a constant.
Don’t hate yourself for feeling something that pure. Don’t think it needs to go away. Embrace it.
You don’t need to stop caring.
Something about someone else made that feeling develop in you. Whether or not that something was real, your feeling is definitely real.
And if that feeling doesn’t change, regardless of whether the other person reciprocates or not, then even better.
This isn’t to say you should put up with any sort of abuse or neglect from someone else. Because definitely not. If someone makes you feel terrible for long enough, at one point you will stop caring. It’ll be a thing where you distance yourself and start trying to make yourself feel good in other ways.
But what I mean is, don’t feel bad or pathetic that you continue to care about someone. Caring about others is all about you, really. It’s how it makes you feel.
And I think that’s a good thing.