When things go wrong, they all seem to go wrong at once.
Usually if it’s something I can influence or change or make better, I put myself out there and do my best to change it.
But if it’s something I can’t change but still affects me,
I cope very poorly.
I have avoidance coping issues.
I tune out the issue and the people involved. I shut down all my emotions and thoughts pertaining to that issue. I pick up something to distract myself and run with it intently.
But it’s just no good when those issues involve people close to you.
It means I’m grieving in a completely self-centred way. I don’t open myself to discussion about the issues or try to actively adapt to it.
I literally stick my head in the sand until the thing passes on it’s own. Because I tell myself everything passes.
I’ve identified the cowardice inside me.
But when things are this messy, I can’t really even work on it.
So I’ll continue to keep my head below the sand. And face the consequences for it.
