The world is a very different place now. I’ve not pondered my existence quite as much as I have in the last few weeks.
It’s hard being a single 20 something. Everyone looks at you wondering why you’re not with someone. Some people even ask callously.
And if they don’t, they start assuming. If you’re not with someone by now…. is something else going on? Are you batting for another team? Are you even in the game?
Sometimes I see people who are so comfortable with who they are and I envy them. What must it be like to be totally aware of who you are and know exactly what you want?
I know they didn’t get there easily. Something would have given them that ability. But it still must be so liberating. To know what you want, and have the freedom to be who you are and want who you want and actually get that.
I’ve been told I’m not the “girliest girl”. Among the guys I’m just one of the guys. Among the girls I’m just one of the girls. I’m comfortable, see everyone as a friend and hardly ever speak about what I want.
But I do wonder how people see me. It happens on days when I am self-conscious about my appearance. People don’t give me a second glance. No matter how I change what I look like or how I walk and talk. I feel plain. Do people ever wonder about me? Probably not. Too often I’ve had the feeling that the person I’m talking to looks straight through me at someone else.
When you see two people together, Any two people – girls and girls, boys and boys and everything in between, it’s just nice. They are just so lucky. It gives me a hope for the world. And I want that for everyone. Even if I don’t have it for myself. Not that I even know what I really want for myself.
But I’m grateful the world is full of colours. Just like a rainbow. Just gotta have pride in who you are.