What A Wonderful World..

I was talking to a friend I hadn’t spoken to in a while, today. She is a good friend when I need someone and I miss her every now and then. One of these people with whom you can just pick up where you left off.

Catching up on her life, she told me she had recently been feeling low. I asked her why and she told me that it was because she had met a guy through an app a few months ago. She had been very taken with him. They had talked for a month and been on a couple of dates and things seemed good.

But then one day….POOF

He became a ghost. Not a ghost like it would have been understood 5-10 years ago where he died and had some unfinished business and came back to haunt someone.

No, more like a ghost of these days where you’re just a prick that stopped replying, stopped interacting and kind of left things up in the air in terms of your relationship with someone. Virtually.

I made a similar post like this a couple of years ago. But Goddam. I just don’t get it these days.

I’m not that old, but I still remember a time when people would actually talk things out. If you’re angry, upset, not feeling it, have a CONVERSATION and have it out so both parties can have closure. Don’t leave one person hanging just because you don’t want to deal with the awkward conversation.

I’m a big fan of talking. I mean surely we didn’t evolve into beings with the ability to create a bunch of complex languages (or be given that ability by God, if that’s what you believe) to waste our lives with buttons like “block” “unfollow” or even tiny emojis that could literally mean a million different things.

And why on EARTH is it actually affecting us?

My friend is a lot like me. She was tired of things being up in the air so she actually contacted the guy and asked him what was happening, if he was okay, etc. He skirted around the whole thing, didn’t really engage and went back to ghosting. He also made some comment towards the end that she “shouldn’t take things so seriously”…………….. Tosser.

We live in a world now where wanting to communicate directly, is somehow vilified. We make jokes and memes about people not wanting to answer the phone and talk to each other and we call out people who want that directness from the people close to them.

If you call someone in the middle of a text conversation that’s going nowhere, that phone call is so unlikely to be answered. If you repeatedly text someone asking for a clear answer, you’re “dramatic”, “crazy” and “taking things too seriously”

Why can’t you be like everyone else and just move on once you’ve been ghosted or take the hint that the other person doesn’t want to talk?

We’re literally growing up and raising a generation of people that shy away from actual confrontation, from real committment and everything that comes with it. That means having difficult conversations, actually putting in time for each other. And just honest-to-goodness respect for another human being.

And it’s ludicrous that people actually do experience pain from “being left on seen” or “unfollowed” or “unmatched”. Why have we come to a time where virtual cutting out equals real life rejction?

No wonder mental health issues are on the rise. It is so easy these days to get away with not sharing your feelings or dealing with conflicts. All those bottled up feelings have to give at some point. And it’s so easy to turn it on someone else for not fitting that mould and calling them “extra” or “overthinking” or “mad” because you didn’t want to have that conversation.

Really. What a wonderful world.

Abdo Pain ?Cause ?Abdominal Migraine

Following on my theme of having a hard time and reflecting on it, I did a thing.

A few weeks ago I got myself admitted to hospital. The hospital I work at. During work hours.

I was just sitting in Medical ED. Just admitting a patient. It was nearly lunchtime.

I had a sudden onset pain in my tummy. It was kinda painful. Kinda gnawing. I figured I was hungry. As all good doctors do, I ignored in and carried on working.

A few minutes passed and the pain got worse. It made me stop what I was doing and move to the tea room to get a glass of water. I felt nauseated. Again, probably just hungry. I’ll just get a glass of water and go get something to eat.

I felt hot. The pain in my tummy worsening. The cafe was a few hundred metres away. I abruptly sat on the couch in the tea room.

A nurse saw me. And as all good nurses do, he began fussing. He said I looked unwell and I should go lie down in the clinic room.

Pain still bad and now finding it difficult to walk, I obliged. Went to the clinic room. Sat down, lay down, pain worsening. Felt restless. The phrase “writhing in pain” came to mind.

But I’m a girl of action. I called my RMO unit and said I can’t complete the rest of my shift because I’m unwell. They wished me all the best. I told myself I would go home.

Big whoops. Couldn’t walk. Pain very bad now. More nurses fussing. Friend who heard my distress on the phone came to see me and began fussing. To my horror they called in MY consultant to assess me. At this point I began vomiting.

He watched me writhe in pain. Suggested I go to ED.

ED saw me and pumped me with 12mg of IV morphine, the approximate recommended dose to flatten an elephant.

I was floating in and out of consciousness. Answered questions. Every time I woke, I was in pain. Pumped with morphine and knocked out. Tests done in my half conscious state.

About 4h later, I was completely pain-free. Asked for some food. I was discharged happily.

My discharge summary arrived in the mail today. Diagnosis: abdo pain ?cause ?abdominal Migraine

Loosely translated that means the pain in my tummy was in my head.

I told one of my friends this story some days after it all happened. He said “that sounds like some good old fashioned stress”

I laughed. Yeah some real “stress” that was.

Until I replayed everything that happened before that day.

I was stressed as heck. I walked into work that morning feeling the worst I ever had. The weekend that had just gone by was traumatic for me. I saw and experienced things that were so confronting to my image of myself that I didn’t know how to deal with it.

A friend and I were waiting for some important, life altering news that day this all happened. I was anxious and scared and sad and I didn’t want to be at work except I had to be at work.

We got good news. The pain had just come on when my friend said he received the good news. But that didn’t make the pain go away.

Maybe it was too late and all that pent up tension was already being released. I’m not sure.

But as quickly as the pain came on, 4h later and a bunch of plum normal investigations, it was gone. And I was left feeling embarrassed for causing all that fuss.

But it was all in my head. I don’t not appreciate the physical manifestations of psychological distress, and I’ve been nauseated and sick before because of depression. But I’ve never experienced anything quite like this.

I realised I have a lot of pent up emotion that’s not going anywhere any time soon.

Things are the most wrong they’ve ever been in my life. But they’re also the most not wrong they’ve ever been. And I don’t know what to do.

Focus on the good things? Yeah. Hope for a change? I guess so.

But ultimately I don’t know. And I don’t know how much more my mind and body can really take.

But I guess I’m in the business of finding out.

But this is a public service announcement. Abdominal migraines are a real thing. Even if it is all in your head.