I was talking to a friend I hadn’t spoken to in a while, today. She is a good friend when I need someone and I miss her every now and then. One of these people with whom you can just pick up where you left off.
Catching up on her life, she told me she had recently been feeling low. I asked her why and she told me that it was because she had met a guy through an app a few months ago. She had been very taken with him. They had talked for a month and been on a couple of dates and things seemed good.
But then one day….POOF
He became a ghost. Not a ghost like it would have been understood 5-10 years ago where he died and had some unfinished business and came back to haunt someone.
No, more like a ghost of these days where you’re just a prick that stopped replying, stopped interacting and kind of left things up in the air in terms of your relationship with someone. Virtually.
I made a similar post like this a couple of years ago. But Goddam. I just don’t get it these days.
I’m not that old, but I still remember a time when people would actually talk things out. If you’re angry, upset, not feeling it, have a CONVERSATION and have it out so both parties can have closure. Don’t leave one person hanging just because you don’t want to deal with the awkward conversation.
I’m a big fan of talking. I mean surely we didn’t evolve into beings with the ability to create a bunch of complex languages (or be given that ability by God, if that’s what you believe) to waste our lives with buttons like “block” “unfollow” or even tiny emojis that could literally mean a million different things.
And why on EARTH is it actually affecting us?
My friend is a lot like me. She was tired of things being up in the air so she actually contacted the guy and asked him what was happening, if he was okay, etc. He skirted around the whole thing, didn’t really engage and went back to ghosting. He also made some comment towards the end that she “shouldn’t take things so seriously”…………….. Tosser.
We live in a world now where wanting to communicate directly, is somehow vilified. We make jokes and memes about people not wanting to answer the phone and talk to each other and we call out people who want that directness from the people close to them.
If you call someone in the middle of a text conversation that’s going nowhere, that phone call is so unlikely to be answered. If you repeatedly text someone asking for a clear answer, you’re “dramatic”, “crazy” and “taking things too seriously”
Why can’t you be like everyone else and just move on once you’ve been ghosted or take the hint that the other person doesn’t want to talk?
We’re literally growing up and raising a generation of people that shy away from actual confrontation, from real committment and everything that comes with it. That means having difficult conversations, actually putting in time for each other. And just honest-to-goodness respect for another human being.
And it’s ludicrous that people actually do experience pain from “being left on seen” or “unfollowed” or “unmatched”. Why have we come to a time where virtual cutting out equals real life rejction?
No wonder mental health issues are on the rise. It is so easy these days to get away with not sharing your feelings or dealing with conflicts. All those bottled up feelings have to give at some point. And it’s so easy to turn it on someone else for not fitting that mould and calling them “extra” or “overthinking” or “mad” because you didn’t want to have that conversation.
Really. What a wonderful world.