Promise Of 2019

Well. My year in review post.

I remember when 2019 started. I wasn’t having the best time. I was at my new job and I was mourning the end of 2018 in a way. 2018 didn’t end well but it had so many good things about it. It had several lows but the highs were quite high. 

Couldn’t say the same for 2019.

I was having a conversation with HD. Back in 2018, I had promised him that 2019 would be his year. I told him he would have several good things happen to him and he would be really happy. I was secretly promising myself the same.

I really should’ve known better.

Several good things did happen for him. Just not the stuff I had predicted. And as for me, yeah I had a few highs. But the lows have been just so low. And currently it’s the lowest it could go, in my view. Though I probably shouldn’t say that because it can always get worse. Let’s face it.

I kind of wanted to be more put together. I had a bit of an idea what I wanted and where I wanted to go.

But this year has kind of made me think that maybe I’m just not someone who is destined to get what they really want. Maybe I want too much. Maybe what I want is too different to my innate nature and being. Maybe that’s why I won’t get it.

Because I really don’t think I gained more than I lost this year. And am continuing to lose. And the hopes that next year will be great, are rapidly slipping away.

I told HD that I wouldn’t promise him the world again this coming year. That was foolish. 

I told him that the year would have ups and downs, but overall it would be an up for him. His life is headed the right way.

I tried to tell myself the same thing. I know what kind of downs I will be facing. And they horrify me. I can only imagine and dream about the ups. And wish they would happen. 

But I’ve given up planning. 

Because my plans are just the tiny seeds on a thistle. At the slightest breeze, they break apart and fly away, leaving no trace of every having existed.

Wow that’s a major sob story. Sorry, I don’t mean to bring anyone down. But I guess the reality is, a year can either change a lot or not much at all. But a single day could do that too. So instead of being overwhelmed by the big picture, I shall take each day as it comes and goes. And survive them until my next high point. 

And just keep hoping and swimming.

Return Home

I am back in my little ol’ City of Sails! It’s so good to be back home after my selective. And omg the year has ended! I will give a complete recount of this year in another post as it’s quite a lot of information and I need time to phrase it correctly. (as mysterious as that sounds)

But anyway! I am so relieved to be back home! Melbourne was pleasant and gastro was great but there’s just no place like home apparently! And just yesterday I had my last progress test of the year! Whew what a relief! It was okay…. It seemed that it was deceptively easy. But I never have confidence in saying that. I have the worst luck with such things. Sometimes I think I did really well in a test and my marks are less than “really well”, and other times when I die inside walking out of a test, I find I did better than I thought, and even more decent compared to the rest of the class. Some kind of irony I suppose. But yeah. This test left me feeling a bit muddled. I couldn’t remember a lot of the questions I had just answered and I felt a weird sense of happiness. Although, that could just be because omg the year is over!! 😀

Well kind of. Now I only have my report to submit recounting my 6 week selective in Melbourne, and something called a “prescribing skills test”. Apparently it’s an online test our entire class group has to sit to master the art of prescription writing! It’s formative though but it has been hyped up unnecessarily as usual. Which makes me nervous. But oh well. I’ve got 2 weeks to worry about that. So I won’t!

People kept asking me what my plans were for the holidays and I only had one answer: “Honestly, I didn’t think I’d make it this far”. xD Truly. I have no plans. It’s been an intense year that didn’t leave me much time or energy to think about planning my last summer holidays of all time. Maybe I will figure it out in the next few days. I’m still in post-exam hibernation mode. Sleep is a must at this time.

But there is one thing I made sure to have ready for my holidays:

Dan Browns’ new novel has been released! What could be a better way to spend your summer holidays than go globe-trotting with Professor Robert Langdon?! I cannot think of anything! So excited to get reading!

Will review soon!