Most days, I know what I want. I have a pretty good idea of how to get it.

And if I know I can’t get it, I accept that and move on.

But sometimes I feel so confused. How could I want something I know I absolutely cannot have. How could I continue to want it?

But I don’t really want it. I can’t picture myself having acquired it. It wouldn’t work. There’s no way. 

I want to be happy. I wouldn’t exactly be happy if I had it. I would in some ways, but I wouldn’t completely. 

But then again, I’m not happy now. 

I know what would make me happy. But wishful thinking is never a good thing. It stops you from being realistic. 

The bottom line is, it’s not going to happen. And I know that. I’m not going to get what I want. It wouldn’t be the right thing for me. 

Then why do I still feel like this. I fear that I would never stop feeling like this. Things could change. But everything keeps telling me that I wouldn’t truly stop wanting what I want. 

What’s the point. An exercise in futility.