Some days are hard. You can’t go through a 6 year degree without stopping somewhere and wondering if you’re really cut out for this and if the decision you made in choosing your career path was the right one.
For me, it’s on long days. The dreaded 8am-10(sometimes 11)pm shift spent following a registrar around on their long day that they’re getting paid for, that they really look like they’re enjoying. I’m the little student following them around, counting the hours down ’till they say “hey why don’t you head home?”. I am low on sleep and food, having missed dinner because the nurse on the other side of the hospital was in a predicament that needed immediate attention (a signature from the registrar).
I am envious of my registrar who has all the energy in the world, and I am annoyed at myself for not having that passion for my job. Granted, being a student is not much of a job, but at the time I wouldn’t have wanted to be my registrar either. I was fantasising about my bed at home and whatever food was left over to eat. At this point, I realised that this is what my life will consist of from next year onwards. I didn’t know if I was up for it. I began to wonder why I hadn’t taken accounting or business as my subjects in highschool… (Probably because I was no good at statistics, but you know.)
It was heading up to the end of the shift. 15 minutes to handover. If I leave now, I would miss out on the pointless half an hour that a group of doctors and nurses share going through the list if patients. In which I have no part at all, so will most likely be falling asleep.
But I never got to leave.
There was a phone call about a new admission. An interesting/difficult patient to manage. The registrar asked me to accompany her, and I did. As the history was being taken, I was impressed. The registrar diagnosed the patient with a condition I had never heard of. And started her on the appropriate treatment. The patient was so grateful. Suddenly, I was full of curiosity and fully awake. I asked my registrar lots of questions about the disease and its management, etc. I was no longer hungry or tired. I suddenly had the energy to write notes, chase the nurse down to explain the diagnosis and treatment, and order tests she needed.
By then, we had both missed handover, and she finally told me to go home. But it didn’t matter to me. It was super late, but I was buzzing with excitement. I was glad to be there.
I may not always have the energy or the enthusiasm within me for my job, but I think I know that I atleast have the passion. The passion to learn something new and help someone in need. The passion that makes me forget about being tired/hungry or any other difficulties I was having. That’s what my life will consist of in the years to come.
Thank goodness for that.