Politics……..Zzzzz

One of the things that comes with being an adult is pretending to care about politics. No no. You HAVE to care about politics. Why? Because everyone else is going out of their way to make sure you do.

So. The NZ general election is coming up. Over the last 9 years, we’ve had the same ruling party making up the government. That being National. The opposition has always been Labour. Apparently one of them is left wing and the other is right (I forget to care about remembering which is which). They are the two main competitors. Then there are all these random small parties that everyone knows will have no say at all, but people end up voting for anyway. Some do so because they want to waste their vote because they couldn’t care less, while others are very gung-ho about their actual policies.. apparently.

I’ve only earned the right to vote since the last election. Up until then, I, like every other kid out there would consider politics to be just a lot of boring noise that adults make at parties that I would somehow go talk to about my friends as though I came up with an opinion all on my own. Let’s face it.

But since gaining the right to vote, I’ve found just how ridiculous people can be when it comes to politics.

Now. I don’t mean this in an offensive way. All these people are my friends and they truly have strong beliefs and I respect that immensely. But what I don’t respect, is their attempt to force these beliefs on others.

Literally all I heard in my first year of med school was how the current government and our prime minister at the time had failed the entire country and we’re all suffering immensely and we’re all going to die because of the apocalypse that the government started. (Obviously kidding, but they were saying a lot to that effect). It surprised me just how ferocious people could get about this. There were posts upon posts on FaceBook about how everyone should vote for The Green Party (which is supposed to be both an environmental and cannabis friendly party that really cares about the youth. Well this is what people try to convince me of).

What was worse was that each person somehow assumed that every other person was voting for the same party.  I am not kidding. A friend of mine openly asked me who I was voting for. I don’t usually like discussing this, but I told her anyway. She then replied in a horrified tone that she thought I was a supporter of her own party. I asked her why, and she said “Idk I just thought you were that person. Who supports ______”

What the heck.

How? I mean….How?

Other people just add me to their conversations assuming that I’m voting for their parties. “I mean, we’re all voting for Green cuz we care about NZ, but like can you believe how unreasonable National is being??” Without so much as asking me whether I had an opinion.

Though I must say, the easiest conversations to have with people are about politics. It’s easy because all I do in these situations is smile and agree with whatever they’re saying. I mean hey, they’ve already assumed I’m a supporter. Why bother arguing otherwise with someone who is such a strong believer that they rely on transference to gain party votes?

Like I just don’t get it. Why openly hate any one party? Are people actually naive enough to believe that a Single party can fix the entire country and make everyone absolutely happy? It’s as though history has taught us nothing. There’s no way ANY party is going to bring every singly policy they had promised to a letter.

Surely it’s just about the bigger issues. Why do people take these things so personally? And I mean they take it personally because when I ask people about their partys’ policies, they usually just end up going on about how lovely the party candidate is. Or how good a speaker they are compared to that useless prime minister. Eugh. I’m just getting a bit tired of hearing about people’s ferocious opinions.

Regardless of who gets elected, there will always be a group of people negatively affected and who are going to complain. At the same time, regardless of who gets elected, people are not going to wither away and die. Yes the government is important, but it’s still just made of people.

This is just my opinion though. Again, I’m not saying it’s not important to have your own views and beliefs and vote, because of course it is. I have mine. I went out of my way to make sure I was well informed about policies, etc. But I just wish people would be more aware that there are other views out there before posting on FaceBook about who they have voted for, and who YOU SHOULD vote for if you give a damn about your country at all and are not selfish and stuck up like the current government is.

Because that’s no longer support. That’s propaganda.

I want to make a move to make it socially unacceptable to discuss your political ‘opinions’.

But anyway. That’s my political rant. I usually wouldn’t care so much. But some people have been unnecessarily pushy this election and I cannot wait until it’s over. I’ve become indifferent to who is even going to win. I’m just tired of my news feed being filled with people trashing others.

Where is the love? (As the black-eyed peas would say)

That Which Disturbs Silence

Some days I wish I was born both mute and deaf.

Not to trivialise or insult anyone who is mute or deaf. But some days I wonder what it would be like to be born and never hear awful things being said. And as such never being capable of saying anything awful? 

Some things can’t be unheard. What would it be like to not hear terrible, harsh sounds being spoken about yourself or others. What would it be like not to be scared beyond belief of what you might open your mouth and say that sets something horrible in motion? 

I’ve complained about silence. But some days, I wish nothing more in the world. 

There was a movie about a fictitious illness that spreads by talking. So everyone in a village had to be mute for a certain period of time. Really interesting movie. Everyone would be forced to only convey what needs to be conveyed. You can’t yell at or insult another person or express your anger through speech. You can’t attempt to destroy another person with your words. Wouldn’t that be nice.

I’ve had a long day. Not a great one, and so these were the thoughts going through my head during an important med school test. Sigh. 

It did get better though. While I was standing in the rain getting drenched waiting for someone, all I could hear was the rain. 

And that’s when Buddha’s words came to me.  

Words to live by. 

This Is What I Would Do

I’d tell you you’re being a horrible person.

I’d tell you you have no right to do that to someone else.

I’d tell you you were a hypocrite for causing a pain that is so familiar to you.

I’d stick up for a friend.

I’d be brave enough to pick a side and stick to it. Even if it were the wrong one.

I’d tell you what you were doing was wrong. Even if you were my friend.

I would never pretend to care and yet offer nothing.

I wouldn’t talk about you behind your back then continue the charade.

I’d defend you even when you weren’t there.

I’d loathe them for hurting you.

I wouldn’t be like you. Or her. Or him.

I’d get angry. I’d get sad. I’d hate myself.

And then I’d blog.

 

 

Some Things In My Life At The Moment

I think I’ve gotten into the habit of blogging when I can’t deal with other things in my life. But it seems to help. So oh well.

Anyway

Things happening in my life at the moment that are constantly on my mind:

1.The Obgyn osce coming up on Friday. Waiting for it to end, waiting for this run to end. But got lots of study + cramming to do in the next couple of days. But I suck at cramming.

2.Stuttering when I talk. This is mostly from osce practice, but I’ve found lately that I just cannot put sentences together coherently without tripping up in my mind and thinking Damn that sounds stupid, don’t say that. Change it. But ofcourse I can’t always do it that quickly, so everything comes out in a mess. What my consultant decided to call a “verbal diarrhoea”. Sigh. Hopefully it’s not some sort of permanent dysphasia

3.My Paediatrics consultant report + final grade…………… I don’t know what to say about this. I’m not happy about my grade or the comments provided by the paediatricians. No point pondering the reasons why. I think it’s safe to say my future in paediatrics as a career is effectively destroyed. Well, not really. But yeah. Oh well.

4.My Selective in September in Australia being (hopefully) confirmed in the near future depending on how good NZ Post is. Judging by their colourful ads with trendy dancing women, they better get my documents to Australia like, today.

5.Lots of people I know being sick. It’s stressful. Please feel better people!

6.That thing that’s always in the back of my mind. But nothing really I can do about that.

7.Getting back into macro photography. Quite happy about this pic. Little win for the day.

IMG_4512.JPG

 

That’s enough things for now. Must go read up on the management of threatened preterm labour as opposed to actual preterm labour.

Hope everyone else is having a fabulous day!

OBGYN Rant..

Eugh. Okay I am very frustrated at the moment. This rotation has been less than ideal. I’m not sure why this run out of all the others I have been through thus far is annoying me, but it just is. And it’s also one of the shorter rotations. (5 weeks as opposed to the gruelling and usual 6). But into week 4, I am well and truly over it and would like to move on.

Why, you may ask. Well we could be here for days. But it is a realisation I have come to having spent my sick day off, pouring over online resources, the “highly recommended” textbook, notes from presentations my colleagues had put together, and my own feeble attempts at taking notes over the last 3 weeks, trying to put something together in my head for my osce (observed clinical exam – or something like that) next week. And all they have is contradicting info! Eugh!!

And remember, I’m sick. So much so that I have taken a day off from hospital which is usually a big no-no for me. I hate being absent. So this should be a pretty good indication of how bad I’m actually feeling. But having said that, I have tried to make my day very productive because the only thing that offers a better motivation to study over the motivation to sleep the day away to recover from an illness, is STRESS. And I’ve got a lot of it right now. So here is a list of things I dislike about this run:

  1. There are too many screaming women around. (And I’m not talking only about the pregnant women). Not a day has passed on this run where I’ve not heard a consultant/registrar/house officer use a string of colourful words to describe the uselessness of another health professional (nurse/GP referral/anaesthetists not showing up/ surgeons hogging theatres/ private obstetricians strutting about as though they own the hospital and the rest of the staff serve them) and then breathe deeply in and out a couple of times before telling each other to calm down….. -_-  Jeez why so much negativity la?
  2.  The freaking abbreviations on every page of every note of every piece of paper ever written on. Goddamn the APHs, PPH, TAH, IUA, TOA, OP, AP, NBF, EBM, etc etc etc. Why am I spending most of my time staring at notes with a train of abbreviations instead of words and trying to figure out what the HECK the last doctor even had to say about this patient. Doesn’t anyone write in words anymore? I remember parents yelling at kids for the overuse of text language. Though I have never been fully guilty of this, I understand their frustration now.
  3. Then there’s surgery. During which you are pretty much part of the wallpaper. I don’t know what to do with myself. The general surgeons were frankly more friendly during theatre than the obstetricians/gynaecologists. I don’t learn anything and basically just trying hard not to fall asleep. (Have to be subtle about this, I have learnt. People are apparently very quick to assume you are asleep even if you’re just tired or thinking really hard about life. >__>)
  4. The male consultants who seem very aloof and cold towards patients. I kind of mentioned the whole male/female dynamic in this specialty right? Well it’s rather obvious with the male consultants. They almost seem bored with their job. It’s like they chose this specialty just to prove a point. To prove their dominance. Again, it might just be the consultants on my team, but I sat through the most cringe-worthy situation where a male consultant told a woman she had endometrial cancer in the coldest way possible. In one sentence. “Yes Mrs. X come in, we’ve received the referral from your GP that your last smear was abnormal. The results have come. You have endometrial cancer.” Verbatim.
    He then sat in his chair, said nothing for 2 minutes straight while the woman cried. Before finally adding “I’m sorry about that” in the most un-sorry way imaginable. It was beyond frustrating and extremely useless. Obviously I couldn’t get up and comfort the woman, though I wanted to, very much. Sigh.
  5. Pregnancy is a mess. Scarred for life by all the bizarre things that happen to the body of a pregnant woman. Why do women do this to themselves?
  6. The tutorials… I feel stupid. I dislike feeling dumb and stupid. In a room full of “colleagues” and someone who I desperately want to think differently of me, I just feel stupid. And it does NOT help when the consultant who is supposed to teach, asks you a question, purely to “catch you out”. And ofourse, being me, I fell for it. I just don’t see what she was gaining from that. But I guess it’s my fault. I should not have let myself be “caught out”.

Whew. Well, as you can see, studying has made me very frustrated. But in the interest of not making this post too one-sided, I shall attempt to mention some positive things about this run.

The doctors are good. Like really good. Their diagnostic skills are amazing. And there is so much I’m able to learn from them. A registrar saw a patient and diagnosed one of the rarest phenomena in pregnancy. “Pregnancy- related intercostal neuralgia”. Never heard of it, purely clinical diagnosis, she called it, treated it, and fixed the young, pregnant woman and sent her home in 24 hours. This after several other specialties had diagnosed her with gall bladder disease.

The patients appreciate. Big time. It’s a sensitive subject. The problems are both horribly difficult to talk about, but also extremely horribly difficult to live with. And if you’re understanding, and make them feel comfortable, and fix them, their happiness and relief, is worth it.

And with that, I return to osce study.