Part Of Me

I’ve had a rough year. And it’s only July.

Understatement of the century of course. Everyone is having a really tough year.

I’m sure nobody’s plans are working out and a lot of people have worries and concerns and stresses that they can’t really see an end to.

And yeah me too. I won’t bore you with my COVID era sorrows though. I’m sure you have your own.

But in the face of adversity, especially one that seems long and relentless, I feel it’s important at some point to stop for a second and reflect.

I reflected on myself in the face of adversity. I realised that I’ve spent so much time being low and stressed that I’ve forgotten the parts of myself that are important to me.

I think it’s always important to think about the things that make up who you are. And hold onto that.

For instance, I’m usually an avid reader. I LOVE reading. My happy place is literally me and my kindle lost in some corner of the world facing much greater adversities than my current ones and ultimately coming out stronger.

But in the last few months my reading has been woefully low. And forget about studying. I just sit and stare blankly at something for hours on end waiting for something to happen.

I don’t want to lose this part of me. There’s nothing quite like the experience of starting a new book and devouring it and learning something new. In every single book. Each book is a fantastic experience.

Another part of me I had forgotten recently is my imagination. I’ve always felt blessed when I think about my imagination. Growing up I loved thinking up stories and scenarios and events that were weird and wonderful. Castles and dragons, going to Jupiter, seeing the things around me and imagining it to be so much more than it is always brought me great joy. As I grew up I imagined other things, where I would live, what I wanted to see, even how it would be at my best friend’s wedding.

I found during these tough times my thoughts are rarely abstract. They’re stunted and box-like. More robotic like here is another problem today. May as well dwell over how to solve it with what I have. Rather than imagining bigger and better things than this particular inconvenience.

My imagination is the source of my creativity. I can’t lose that. It’s a big part of what makes me, me. I tried to imagine good things. Bright and colourful. They’re quieter than before. As though there was a screen between me and my imagination.

And then there’s music. These days I just listen to music on the way to and from work. And that’s more to keep me awake rather than for my enjoyment. But with the arrival of the new Taylor Swift album, I realised how much I had missed listening to music and actually enjoying what I was listening to and singing along. That’s super important to me.

Passion for work. Since COVID, my work has become so mechanical. The daily frustrations have become twice as annoying and work is extra exhausting. A useless call from a nurse causes a physical reaction in me and brings me down. I barely notice the things I used to. Like how important it is when a patient thanks you for what you’ve done for them or learning something new from a patient’s condition. The other day I fought all day long for a patient to get a scan she needed. And when she finally did, my diagnosis was correct and she received the treatment she needed, and I learnt something new about her condition and the scan she had. I felt satisfied that day. It reminded me why I love what I do so much. I need to hold on to my passion.

Photography. Since being in lockdown, I’ve struggled to take my camera out and capture the world around me. But when I did, I realised how important photography is to me. Especially macro photography, and seeing the little things and making them look amazing.

But perhaps the most important part of me that I don’t wish to lose is being able to appreciate small things and find joy in them. Like a sunset, like watching a TV show from my childhood. Like helping a stranger with something or a stranger helping me with something. Like being able to tell my friends and family how much I love them, doing something to make them smile. Like a perfectly made cup of tea. Like a good conversation. A good joke.

Like a good hug at the right place at the right time when it was really needed.

Life is full of these little moments that can be so significant. They are the ones that you have to hang on to in times of adversity. That’s who I am as a person. Someone who focuses on the little things that make something or someone so amazing to me. 

These things are a part of me. And these are the things I need to remember. That will help me get through it all.

lavender with bee

Here’s a macro shot of a bee doing what it does best when I finally got my camera out. Little things with significance. 

Goodbye To A Friend

It’s always hard to say goodbye to a friend.

After 4 years, my beloved Kindle stopped working. 

I’ve had a rough week back at work. Which I might talk about later, but I wonder if you get tired of my whining about not very significant things. 

But anyways.

This is one of the more tragic things that has happened to me.

Every single moment in the last 3 years where I have felt lonely or bored or neglected or awkward, my friend Kindle was always there for me. 

It held my most favourite books of all time. 

It always comforted me with its light up screen that was so easy on the eyes and easy to read while turning in bed at night.

It’s small and sleek build meant that I didn’t have to go anywhere without it. Fitting in virtually any bag I was carrying, and sometimes even my coat pocket, meant that any time, was kindle time.

It educated me when I read a word I didn’t know. Simply tap on a word and both an online dictionary and wikipedia would be right there to teach me the meaning of words too complex for me to comprehend. And I didn’t even need to move to find a dictionary.

And it’s battery life was practically 4 weeks. Meaning one charge was enough to read all 15 volumes of my favourite book series. 

I must say that no person has ever been as reliable and dependable as my kindle has been.

It was finally time for it to die.

The screen went away first. No longer displaying proudly the letter “A” or newspaper stacks or other premade Amazon screensavers. 

Goodbye forever, old friend.

Until I get a new kindle of course! 

Return Home

I am back in my little ol’ City of Sails! It’s so good to be back home after my selective. And omg the year has ended! I will give a complete recount of this year in another post as it’s quite a lot of information and I need time to phrase it correctly. (as mysterious as that sounds)

But anyway! I am so relieved to be back home! Melbourne was pleasant and gastro was great but there’s just no place like home apparently! And just yesterday I had my last progress test of the year! Whew what a relief! It was okay…. It seemed that it was deceptively easy. But I never have confidence in saying that. I have the worst luck with such things. Sometimes I think I did really well in a test and my marks are less than “really well”, and other times when I die inside walking out of a test, I find I did better than I thought, and even more decent compared to the rest of the class. Some kind of irony I suppose. But yeah. This test left me feeling a bit muddled. I couldn’t remember a lot of the questions I had just answered and I felt a weird sense of happiness. Although, that could just be because omg the year is over!! 😀

Well kind of. Now I only have my report to submit recounting my 6 week selective in Melbourne, and something called a “prescribing skills test”. Apparently it’s an online test our entire class group has to sit to master the art of prescription writing! It’s formative though but it has been hyped up unnecessarily as usual. Which makes me nervous. But oh well. I’ve got 2 weeks to worry about that. So I won’t!

People kept asking me what my plans were for the holidays and I only had one answer: “Honestly, I didn’t think I’d make it this far”. xD Truly. I have no plans. It’s been an intense year that didn’t leave me much time or energy to think about planning my last summer holidays of all time. Maybe I will figure it out in the next few days. I’m still in post-exam hibernation mode. Sleep is a must at this time.

But there is one thing I made sure to have ready for my holidays:

Dan Browns’ new novel has been released! What could be a better way to spend your summer holidays than go globe-trotting with Professor Robert Langdon?! I cannot think of anything! So excited to get reading!

Will review soon!