Is Age A Number Or A Qualification?

The other day I was having a conversation with my cousin who I hadn’t spoken to in ages. He had just recently been married. Well it’s been 2 years and his wife is expecting a baby.

Yes I can hear some people going “ngaww” and all that. But to be honest, I’d seen him happier before he had gotten married. And he confirmed this for me. He said life’s pretty weird and sad currently.

He’s about 31 now. When he had gotten married, he was 29. My aunt and uncle were tsk-ing and clucking away that he was getting much too old to be unmarried.

And so they set him up with a girl and got him married. And now he’s not exactly happy.

Growing up, my cousin was this super jolly, extremely hilarious person. He always struck me as a bit childish in everything. Very immature and he hadn’t really changed much when he was 29. He wasn’t very keen on getting married. Pretty sure he didn’t even have a plan. But society works in not-so-mysterious ways. 

He was basically told he had to get married. And he did. Now he only makes cynical jokes about life. And he’s stressed about everything.

If you’re in your mid to late twenties, you’re now an eligible bachelor/ bachelorette. Time to get married. Time to settle down. 

That may have been fair enough a generation ago. Values were different then.

Well.. Not really. But basically, I don’t agree with this.

People need to be ready to get married. People need to be mature enough to make a commitment like that. And that has absolutely nothing to do with age.

I think we can all agree that we’ve come across 20-30 year-olds who basically have the emotional age of 5.

Nothing’s changed about them. They’ve just found bigger cookies to fight over, bigger playgrounds to push people down in, and newer, more creative ways to lie and cheat.

Can these people be trusted to make a commitment for a lifetime with One person? I wouldn’t think so.

And I have massive respect for people who say they aren’t ready to make a commitment. They’re not ready to get married. Like sure everyone else will call them irresponsible or players, etc. But hey. They have the insight that they won’t stay true to the institution of marriage. Which, in my opinion, beats those who feel compelled to fill some life checklist by getting married at age 25 and then end up divorced or miserable a few years later because they didn’t think it through hard enough and didn’t analyse themselves enough to realise they weren’t ready.

I feel like it’s not just about finding someone that’s great. It’s about realising that it’s super annoying to be committed to someone for life. And doing it anyway.

If you’re accepting that marriage is for life, I mean.

Call me old-fashioned, but I don’t believe in divorce. Kind of a thing where I believe you gotta stick with who you chose, no matter what. No takebacks. Of course abusive relationships don’t count. But the stupid reasons people have for divorce these days – like snoring (I kid you not) is beyond me. Just how immature and self-centred are you? Like you really should have thought about that before you agreed to get married and sleep next to this person for the rest of your life.

Ridiculous.

Anyway the reason for this rant is that my cousin, incredibly, turned to me and said “You’re 23 right? Pretty soon they’ll look to set you up with someone too”

Literally made me sick.

I have an extreme lack of faith in the institution of marriage by the way. I’m also the last person that should be talking about stuff like this as I have no experience. But the truth is I’ve seen enough relationships around me break up and be horrendous such that I cannot picture myself going through that with anyone or see myself succeeding where others have failed. 

So I can say that my age has NOTHING to do with whether or not I can get married. I cannot. Fullstop. Period. End of. 

But I don’t think age has anything to do with it for anyone. I think people need to stop believing in and promoting the idea that when you reach a certain age, you’ve got to get married and be settled. Like no. It doesn’t work that way. And it most certainly won’t last if that’s the only reason people want to get married. Age isn’t enough. You’ve got to know what you’re getting into. 

Like yes millions of people have done it before and it’s doable. But I for one, would want to do it right. If that exists. I wouldn’t want to end up like my cousin. I wouldnt want to be miserable or have children who knew their parents would be better off divorced. I’d want to be all in. Not just be like oh hey let’s give this a try.

Sorry if this is cynical. If you’ve found someone you’re going to marry, then you’re extremely lucky!! Just do me a favour and stick with them. 

The 20s

Sometimes I think that being in your 20s is a very frustrating time in life. I mean, I have no frame of reference, but I just think it’s hard to be in your 20s.

When you’re 20 whatever, it’s a rather crucial point in life. You either have a lot of ideas of things you wanna do and places you wanna go but are frustrated because you can’t just get all those things done straight away. It takes time, money and freedom. Which very few people have if they’re still in uni or just starting out in a job they know isn’t where they want to ultimately end up.

Or you don’t have any sense of direction and no real plans because you’re sort of stuck in a position with multiple factors in limbo and are equally frustrated.

I mean. Career, future, friends, family, relationships, etc etc etc. It all starts now-ish.

And nothing makes it worse like when relatives or family friends ask you what your “plans” are.

I hate that question. Not because I don’t have any plans, but more because it’s annoying that they think I’m going to sit there and explain each bullet point of my 10 year plan that I have taped to the wall of my room or something. I don’t have anything like that by the way. But I don’t know why people think I do.

The expectations are high and things are changing rapidly. I remember less and less of my school days. The people especially. Some are gone. I have no idea where. Some are in the same situation as me, some are living large by travelling, etc. Some have turned into wild people (If you know what I mean). But we’re all the same age basically.

Oh God and some people are getting married. Which I suppose doesn’t mean much. Like I’m not going to over hype marriage like it is an achievement. If you found someone you want to spend the rest of your life with (hopefully), that’s great for you!  But that’s another expectation when you’re in your 20s. Start thinking about “settling down” (whatever that means). I think that’s an awful expectation. Like it is hard enough to work with some people in a professional sense let alone like them enough to talk to them outside of professional arena. I mean, if that’s how it is in a professional sense, how on earth are you meant to find someone likeable in general? I assume this is why we have things like Tinder these days. Like I literally have 4 people whose company I enjoy. Of course that might just be me. Because I hear that quite a few people my age are engaged, planning their weddings, deciding honeymoon locations and where they should work next year so that it best works with their wedding plans.

How weird is that? Well maybe it’s not weird. Maybe it’s normal. I wouldn’t know.

And that’s another thing when you’re in your 20s. You’re just starting to work. And everything that goes with that is a big shock. Working with others, the hours, the demands, etc. It’s all overwhelming. But also, you start to learn a whole bunch of things like learning when to say what, who to say it to, how to carry yourself, and you feel like you can do a lot, but you just can’t.

Where am I? I am frustrated. I sort of have ideas of things I would like to do. But no way of executing them any time soon. I’m still in uni. I have a huge student loan piling up. I have my parents to look after. My dad had started working when he was younger than me. He still is. I’d like to get him to retire. I would like to move. But little idea or potential of that with all the other plans. Sometimes I wonder if I’m too idle. Maybe I should take on extra things. Sometimes I envy those people who have done all of it and have their lives sorted in their 20s. Eughhhhhhh.

What am I doing everyday? the things that need to be done. Waking up, going to work, studying, watching videos, talking, and stressing. I feel like I’m waiting for something to happen. But of course it won’t for a while.

How am I supposed to deal with this frustration? I wish I could fast forward this messy part of my life. And skip to the part where things fall into place and everything will hopefully be okay.

Yeah. And I also want Santa Claus to be real.

Wishful thinking is not a good idea apparently. I’m basically doing each day as it comes. But meh. There’s always the underlying frustration of being stuck. It’s probably not eternal. But it is worrying how much might be different when I come out of it.

This isn’t to say I’m miserable. There are a lot of great things happening for me which I am always grateful for. But yeah. This is a weird time period for me. I guess I’m dealing with it by writing on here. 

Kinda helps.